i… found your tumblr, son. welcome to the force here's your gun/badge your first case is is there anybody out there [static] i repeat [static] can eat too much pizza [screaming and crying] we were wrong [static] pizza [static] oh, great, i fell into a sarchasm. noo, i’m just FINE, and my bones aren’t broken at ALL, having SUCH a good time down here No! I just got bit by a Dad. I feel the transformation starting *goes to Home Depot & buys materials to build a deck* I'M GONNA BUILD A DECK if your literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession with pointing out doors to people, well, there's the door HELLO FELLOW HUMAN TEENS I HEARD THE COOLEST PLACE FOR US TEENS TO HANG OUT IS The Colossal Pillar of Wasp Eggs LETS GO DO NOT BRING WEAPONS 1)sit in toddler seat of a shopping cart. 2)tip over til feet touch the ground. 3)stand up. you're now a grocery turtle. no one can stop you


Twitter: The Comic is a collection of comics based on the greatest tweets of our generation. The source material is used verbatim, typos and all. Despite the seemingly random nature of the tweets, the comic has reoccurring characters and story arcs that aren’t fully understood unless experienced through a single reading. With explicit permission from the writers of each comic, Twitter: The Comic could be a pretty rad book.

(via flushwithcash)

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