Posts tagged with ‘LOL’

Old School: A long time ago, in a galaxy they knew nearly nothing about…

So old school they still use inkwells… (drum and cymbal sound)!

It’s almost over and we have so many feelings! To help calm our fears and anxieties we asked our team of writers for an updated list of predictions… here are our favorites!

1. Lois shakes Hal awake from a fever dream. Late for work, he runs to the kitchen in his underwear to make coffee. Gets tarred and feathered. “Malcolm!!!” @BadTheaterFest

2. Todd and his uncle find Walt’s barrels of money, spend it all on extra lives in Candy Crush. @Garbagetweetz

3. Huell remains in as much imminent danger as everyone involved in the shootout, purely because of his BMI, blood pressure, insulin levels, etc. @WiseguyPictures

4. Next week’s episode focuses solely on Baby Holly’s shenanigans in a “Baby’s Day Out” parody. Hilarity ensues and Vince Gilligan makes us wait another week to find out what happens. @Dana_Angelo

5. In a final stand-off, Marie and Walt duke it out in the Nazi meth lab. She slips, falls into a vat. Walt gets a one-off yield of purple meth. Everyone else lives happily ever after. @BadTheaterFest

No New Friends: Protecting the world from all evil, but most times just Chris Brown. 

"I’ve pretty much been obsessed with Drake since that Lykke Li remix. His newest phrase “No New Friends”, after “Started from the Bottom” and “YOLO” which are gems in their own right, really hit a nerve. I think it really speaks to old friends and loyalty and the way a lot of us see our social lives, plus I suck at making new friends so there’s that. Was searching for a way to get it on a tee and the Super Friends seemed like the perfect group to use (didn’t want David Schwimmer anywhere near this thing). Getting to stick a little Drake in there was a nice bonus, especially since he replaced Aquaman, nobody likes Aquaman.” Original idea by our very own production manager Jerzy! Check out the music video!

 

Is your cat clawing your furniture? Think there’s no answer? You’re so stupid! There is! Kitten Mittons. Finally, there is an elegant, comfortable mitten for cats… I couldn’t hear anything! Is your cat one-legged? Is your cat fat, skinny, or an in-between? That doesn’t matter! Cause one size fits all! 

Kitten Mittons! You’ll be Smitten! Support Charlie Kelly’s greatest idea! Check out the commercial here

In honor of Kick-Ass 2, we asked our team of comedy writers to come up with a fantasy Superhero, and their top 5 superpowers!!
SUPERHERO: Passive-Agro Girl
by Nicole Drespel
5. The Infinite Eye Roll
4. Adamantium elbows  
3. Can absorb infinite negativity into her heart sphere
2. Super-sonic sighs 
1. Tweeting
SUPERHERO: Delivery Boy
by Brandon Scott Wolf
1. He’s never on time2. He always has food on him3. He can bike pretty well4. He looks cool wearing a hat5. He can fly
SUPERHERO: Captain Comfort
by Jeremy Glass 
1. Has a perpetual sunburned back that he allows good citizens to peel.2. Shoots out bubble wrap from his nipples to distract criminals with the enticement of popping said wrap.3. Has thick hair that you can run your fingers through. Especially convenient for people being robbed who have the chance to run away while their robber is busy touching someone else’s hair.4. Can decongest a plugged nose with a wave of his palm.5. Can scratch that part of your impossible-to-reach section of your back.6. Dries damp socks with his laser vision.
SUPERHERO: Bubble Man!
by Emily Duncan
1. He shoots dangerous laser bubble streams from his hands and also eyeballs.
2. He can create an iridescent force-field around him.
3. He can FLY using a cloud of BUBBLES.
4. He leaves a slick trail of bubble-liquid wherever he goes, like a speedy glamor snail, slipping up all who pursue him.
5. He can carbonate stuff. He’ll carbonate the bad guys TO DEATH.
SUPERHERO: Panic Man
by Shawn Wickens
1. Strength
2. Courage
3. Determination
4. Charisma
5. Poise
That’s right, I just described a competitive figure skater.

In honor of Kick-Ass 2, we asked our team of comedy writers to come up with a fantasy Superhero, and their top 5 superpowers!!

SUPERHERO: Passive-Agro Girl

by Nicole Drespel

5. The Infinite Eye Roll

4. Adamantium elbows  

3. Can absorb infinite negativity into her heart sphere

2. Super-sonic sighs 

1. Tweeting

SUPERHERO: Delivery Boy

by Brandon Scott Wolf

1. He’s never on time
2. He always has food on him
3. He can bike pretty well
4. He looks cool wearing a hat
5. He can fly

SUPERHERO: Captain Comfort

by Jeremy Glass 

1. Has a perpetual sunburned back that he allows good citizens to peel.
2. Shoots out bubble wrap from his nipples to distract criminals with the enticement of popping said wrap.
3. Has thick hair that you can run your fingers through. Especially convenient for people being robbed who have the chance to run away while their robber is busy touching someone else’s hair.
4. Can decongest a plugged nose with a wave of his palm.
5. Can scratch that part of your impossible-to-reach section of your back.
6. Dries damp socks with his laser vision.

SUPERHERO: Bubble Man!

by Emily Duncan

1. He shoots dangerous laser bubble streams from his hands and also eyeballs.

2. He can create an iridescent force-field around him.

3. He can FLY using a cloud of BUBBLES.

4. He leaves a slick trail of bubble-liquid wherever he goes, like a speedy glamor snail, slipping up all who pursue him.

5. He can carbonate stuff. He’ll carbonate the bad guys TO DEATH.

SUPERHERO: Panic Man

by Shawn Wickens

1. Strength

2. Courage

3. Determination

4. Charisma

5. Poise

That’s right, I just described a competitive figure skater.

"With the twitch of two adjacent fingers, entire paragraphs are rendered fictitious. The JK shirt is a celebration of both internet culture and liars. Unless you’re using a DVORAK keyboard, in which case you probably have no time for jokes anyway." @ChuckLaud Buy it here!

tastefullyoffensive:

Chinese Tattoo Mistakes [via]

Previously: Unfortunate Sign Burn Outs

Sorry I Fucked Your Mom. (I’m not sorry) 

We asked our team of hilarious comedy writer’s to send us their top 10 Breaking Bad predictions! WHO ELSE IS FREAKING OUT?!
1. Walt, sensing that the net is closing in on him, switches to red meth. @ramseyess
2. Jesse turns his life around and becomes a chemistry teacher. J/K! Walt kills him. @Andybeckerman
3. Saul Goodman gets a spin-off called S’All Good, Man! @kirksays
4, Walt Jr. is so devastated by his father being unmasked as a drug lord that he skips breakfast, but only for like a day or two. @WiseguyPictures
5. Jesse, struggling with what is right versus what is necessary, shoots Walter. Then, Hank. Then, Skyler. Then, Walt Jr. Then, Marie. Then, Saul. Then, Holly. @TheMatthewCohen
6. Jacob reveals that Albuquerque was actually purgatory the whole time. @ramseyess
7. Red Wedding @chrisprincipe
8. Walt discovers blue crystal meth cures cerebral palsy. @Andybeckerman

9. Badger and Skinny Pete kiss on the lips. It’s just a quick peck, but then things are weird between them. @WiseguyPictures
10. Walter actually dies of cancer. @bustedtees

    
 

We asked our team of hilarious comedy writer’s to send us their top 10 Breaking Bad predictions! WHO ELSE IS FREAKING OUT?!

1. Walt, sensing that the net is closing in on him, switches to red meth. @ramseyess

2. Jesse turns his life around and becomes a chemistry teacher. J/K! Walt kills him. @Andybeckerman

3. Saul Goodman gets a spin-off called S’All Good, Man! @kirksays

4, Walt Jr. is so devastated by his father being unmasked as a drug lord that he skips breakfast, but only for like a day or two. @WiseguyPictures

5. Jesse, struggling with what is right versus what is necessary, shoots Walter. Then, Hank. Then, Skyler. Then, Walt Jr. Then, Marie. Then, Saul. Then, Holly. @TheMatthewCohen

6. Jacob reveals that Albuquerque was actually purgatory the whole time. @ramseyess

7. Red Wedding @chrisprincipe

8. Walt discovers blue crystal meth cures cerebral palsy. @Andybeckerman

9. Badger and Skinny Pete kiss on the lips. It’s just a quick peck, but then things are weird between them. @WiseguyPictures

10. Walter actually dies of cancer. @bustedtees

 

Rejected shirt pitch of the week: Channing Totem. The idea was a totem pole, but made out of Channing Tatums. Here you can see my fabulous photoshop skills at work to make this creation come to life. This one’s really gonna take off, I can feel it! Thanks @MarcyLane!

Rejected shirt pitch of the week: Channing Totem. The idea was a totem pole, but made out of Channing TatumsHere you can see my fabulous photoshop skills at work to make this creation come to life. This one’s really gonna take off, I can feel it! Thanks @MarcyLane!

Goosebumps: My Dad is a Republican! Pitched by BT customer service wizard, Robin. “It’s scarier than any of my childhood fears because it could happen at any time and I might not realize until it’s too late.” Buy it here!

Happy Monday! Here are some pugs.

(Source: blowsobs, via ericnally)

thegentlemansarmchair:

Daddy Cool.
daveshumka:

I threw my keys into a cauldron filled with molten steel!
I threw a cactus at a blimp!
I stuck my butt into a geyser just to feel relief!
I brushed my teeth and ate an orange!
I stared into that melty-face ark from Indiana Jones!
I bought some meat out of a van!
I gave my address to a charity!
I ate a bug!
I changed my password to “password”!
I shared a milkshake with a guy who had some open sores!
I let a dude photograph me eating a banana!
I clipped my nails on the bus!
I replied-all to an all-staff email!
I threw a Mentos at a can of Coke!
I sent a pizza to a ghost!
I cut my own bangs in a bumper car!
I gave the middle finger to a shark!
I told my dentist to go nuts!
I tricked a very famous horse into marrying me!
I went to a biker bar and made fun of their beards!
I signed a contract with a cloud!
I gave a weak handshake at a job interview!
I stole a nightstick from a cop!
I went swimming right after eating lunch!
I launched a Roman candle at a bag of snakes!
I barbecued a hat!
I didn’t use my hand to cover my PIN code at the ATM!
Get your votes in for dumbest thing ever written. I don’t care. I love it.

daveshumka:

  • I threw my keys into a cauldron filled with molten steel!
  • I threw a cactus at a blimp!
  • I stuck my butt into a geyser just to feel relief!
  • I brushed my teeth and ate an orange!
  • I stared into that melty-face ark from Indiana Jones!
  • I bought some meat out of a van!
  • I gave my address to a charity!
  • I ate a bug!
  • I changed my password to “password”!
  • I shared a milkshake with a guy who had some open sores!
  • I let a dude photograph me eating a banana!
  • I clipped my nails on the bus!
  • I replied-all to an all-staff email!
  • I threw a Mentos at a can of Coke!
  • I sent a pizza to a ghost!
  • I cut my own bangs in a bumper car!
  • I gave the middle finger to a shark!
  • I told my dentist to go nuts!
  • I tricked a very famous horse into marrying me!
  • I went to a biker bar and made fun of their beards!
  • I signed a contract with a cloud!
  • I gave a weak handshake at a job interview!
  • I stole a nightstick from a cop!
  • I went swimming right after eating lunch!
  • I launched a Roman candle at a bag of snakes!
  • I barbecued a hat!
  • I didn’t use my hand to cover my PIN code at the ATM!

Get your votes in for dumbest thing ever written. I don’t care. I love it.

It’s still too soon. Buy it here! 

It’s still too soon. Buy it here